Last year in September I started to do a two year study of contextual therapy. The basis of contextual thinking is the importance of the relationships people have with each other and the giving and receiving within these relationships. The basic element to measure the health and sustainability of any relationship is the amount of trust that has been built up in this relationship. Trust is formed when the giving and receiving in a relationship is in balance. Both parties know that the other person is aware of their needs and is caring and responsible in meeting those needs. When one or both parties starts doubting this, the basis of trust is disturbed and the strings that binds two people in a relationship together will start to loose their strength. Other less healthy patterns, which have been lingering under the surface, will start to take over, trying to keep the now dying relationship alive. These patterns are controlling and manipulative in their nature. This can be very subtle and the people using them might not even be aware of them. Both parties feel they have very much the right to behave the way they do, but instead of investing in each others life’s in a loving and fulfilling way, they more and more use each other to get their own needs met. This will be the source of many conflicts and problems. This can happen in any kind of relationship; family relationships, friendships, dating relationships or marriage.
Contextual thinking places much emphasis on the family relationships with it’s history as being the context in which people learn how to relate to each other. The basic philosophy is that our family should be a place of care, a place where we are encouraged to give of ourselves in a way that fits with who we are, and a place where we receive care, love, stability, attention, guidance, safety, encouragement, etc. If this is not the case then the child does not receive what it is entitled to and this will have destructive consequences in the long run. All our future relationships are influenced by the patterns we learned when we grew up. Contextual thinking therefore sees our family relationships as the key place to bring forth change and healing in our lives. Contextual thinking sees family relationships as bonds that cannot be broken; even when you try very hard to cut the strings, still your life will be influenced by your constant conscious or unconscious striving and efforts to do so and the bitterness and anger that comes from this.
Contextual thinking looks at the destructive patterns in relationships with hope, because it says that no matter how unhealthy someone’s family history may have been (or still is), a person is able to break the patterns in their life that might have been influencing them and their family for many generations. A person is able to change the way they relate to people and create a different future for themselves, their relationships and their children. At the same time through the changes they go though they can be an influence of healing and change in the family context they come from. All of this might be a difficult and painful process, but in the long run it will be of great value.
This was an attempt to summarize a little bit of what contextual therapy is about, although there is much much more to say… In the future I might write more posts on my blog to process my thoughts in learning and studying about contextual therapy and to give an oversight of all the important factors that are involved in bringing about changes within relationships.
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