Patience

Patience with others is Love, Patience with self is Hope, Patience with God is Faith
- Author unknown -

Link to article "Waiting on God"

Seeing for the first time

This video is an adaption of Plato’s allegory of the cave. I was struck by some of the similarities with the gospel. There are also some differences because I think the things in this world have value and beauty in and of themselves and aren’t just ugly shadows and the gospel is about more then just becoming enlightened. Still I could recognise the sense of exitment of finaly being able to see clearly, the sense of freedom this gives, the frustration in not being able to share this with others and with that the temptation of starting to doubt the things you have experienced, to forget about them and to start staring to the wall again.

Yesterday evening after preparing for this post I read some verses in daily light that all happened to be about God enabling people to see. I picked two of the verses and looked them up in the Bible:

As Jesus approached Jericho, a blind man was sitting by the roadside begging. When he heard the crowd going by, he asked what was happening. They told him, “Jesus of Nazareth is passing by.”

He called out, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!”

Those who led the way rebuked him and told him to be quiet, but he shouted all the more, “Son of David, have mercy on me!”

Jesus stopped and ordered the man to be brought to him. When he came near, Jesus asked him, “What do you want me to do for you?”

“Lord, I want to see,” he replied.

Jesus said to him, “Receive your sight; your faith has healed you.” Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus, praising God. When all the people saw it, they also praised God.

Luke 18: 35-42

I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also in the one to come.

Ephesians 1:17-22

Song "for the first time"
Link to song: The Afters "for the first time"

Song lyrics:
There’s a different sunrise
It’s a different world
In a way I feel like
I have just begun

Like I don’t remember
Waking up from a dream
All my chains are broken
And it feels so free

I can breathe for the first time
I can see for the first time
It’s like you opened my eyes
I can feel my heart is coming alive
I feel alive
I can breathe for the first time
For the first time
For the first time
For the first time
For the first time

Once a life imprisoned
I was locked in the past
But your love has given
Given one more chance

Once my light was fading
But you gave me yours
Now my world is brighter
Than it was before

Chorus

And I’ve never run so far
I’ve never felt so strong
When I am where you are
I found where I belong
For the first time
For the first time

Chorus

Connection or isolation

Attachments occur when we take the risk to allow someone else to matter enough to us to hurt us if they choose to. (John Townsend)

After many years of studying psychology and the variables involved with behaviour it seems to me that there is one thing that is on the basis of everything else, namely to what extend somebody is connected or isolated in his or her relationships.
The first and most important thing you learn when you grow up is the ability to connect yourself to others. As a child you are helpless and vulnerable and you are completely dependent on the care of other people, most importantly your parents. When everything goes well the child learns that the world is a safe place, that he is loved and that other people are trustworthy. When it doesn’t go well the child learns relationships are dangerous and insecure and that he has to be in control in order to be safe, either by isolating himself or by manipulating closeness and affection. This will influence his thoughts, emotions and behaviour in a destructive way and is the basis of many difficulties and stresses throughout his life.
The more I think about this the more I realize how this connects to the way God created things. There is an underlying law in the universe that makes it that any living thing which is not connected will die. Nothing can survive on its own, without, food, without sun, without water, etc.
It’s also interesting to see how throughout the Bible eternal life is described as the result of being connected to God, knowing him, loving him and receiving his love. When this connection is cut off, death will be the result. Choosing other connections above the relationship with God (which is the essence of sin) will ultimately lead to the deterioration of our soul (‘the wages of sin is death’ Romans 6: 23a). Instead of Gods life flowing through us leading to goodness and light, sin will gain increasing power in our lives resulting in evil and darkness. Darkness does not connect to light, because darkness is in essence the absence of light (‘for what fellowship can light have with darkness?’ 2 Corinthians 6: 14b). Jesus by taking on our sin and freeing us from darkness restored our connection with God.
Still despite the fact that through Jesus our spirit is again connected with God we still suffer from sin and brokenness. We don’t trust God. We are like the child that hides or manipulates. We seek idols to meet our need for connection or we try to manipulate God to fulfil our needs in the way we think He should and when He doesn’t we question his love. When we learn to trust God we can feel loved even when things are difficult and times are dry because we are rooted and grounded in love.
God is the only one who can root and ground us in love because He is love.

Now this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent.

"When Israel was a child, I loved him, and out of Egypt I called my son. But the more I called Israel, the further they went from me. They sacrificed to the Baals and they burned incense to images. It was I who taught Ephraim to walk, taking them by the arms; but they did not realize it was I who healed them. I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love; I lifted the yoke from their neck and bent down to feed them.

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned.

God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.

…but whose delight is in the law of the LORD, and who meditates on his law day and night. That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither— whatever they do prospers.

John 17:3; Hosea 11: 1-4; Ephesians 3: 16-19; John 4:13-14; John 15: 4-6; 1 John 1: 5b; Psalm 1: 2,3

Follow me

The things Francis Chan writes about are challeging. The following is from his book "Forgotten God":
“Nowhere in Scripture I see a “balanced life with a little bit of God added in” as an ideal for us to emulate. Yet when I look at our churches, this is exactly what I see: a lot of people who have added Jesus to their lives. People who have, in a sense asked Him to join them on their life journey, to follow them wherever they feel they should go, rather than following Him as we are commanded. The God of the universe is not something we can just add to our lives and keep on as we did before. The Spirit who raised Christ form the dead is not someone we can just call on when we want a little extra power in our lives. Jesus Christ did not die in order to follow us. He died and rose again so that we could forget everything else and follow Him to the cross, to true Life.”

As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. “Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will send you out to fish for people.” At once they left their nets and followed him.

I know, O Lord, that a man’s life is not his own; it is not for a man to direct his steps.

Then Moses said to him, “If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here.”

Jesus looked at him and loved him. “One thing you lack,” he said. “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” At this the man’s face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth.

…anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.

And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.

Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed my sheep. Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, “Follow me!”

Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.

Matthew 4:18-20
Jeremiah 10: 23
Exodus 33:15
Mark 10:21-22
Luke 14: 17
2 Corinthians 5:15
John 21: 17-19
John 12: 24-26

link to song Jesus Culture: where you go I go

Time

Sometimes I take a step back and look at my life and everything going in the world and I realize how temporary everything is. In about 120 years from now the entire population living on earth right now (almost 7 billion people) will be gone. A new generation will have taken our place. This puts everything in perspective.

When I look back on my life what would be the things I would have liked to have achieved, what is really important and will have value for eternity?

Link to time lapse video

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality. When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.”

Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,” for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!”

Matthew 6:19-21
2 Corinthians 4:18
1 Corinthians 15:53,54
Revalation 21:1-5a

In the Potter's Hands

  

Did you ever have the feeling you wanted to break free from something God is doing in your life. You feel you are stuck in a certain situation and cannot escape, that you’re in a bad dream and want to wake up to a more comfortable life. Time is standing still, doors are staying closed and you feel you’re not getting anywhere. You cannot make sense of things and even when you think hard you still cannot find any reasons for things going the way they are. Your thoughts just go in circles. You ask God to do something, to give you some clue, to make things feel less heavy, but it remains silent. You feel uneasy and you just want to get out, but it feels as if a hand is pressing up against you making it impossible for you to get away. When you are in such a time are you able to believe God is at work in you to create something beautiful, something that will be of value even in eternity?

This is the word that came to Jeremiah from the LORD: “Go down to the potter’s house, and there I will give you my message.” So I went down to the potter’s house, and I saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him. Then the word of the LORD came to me. He said, “Can I not do with you, Israel, as this potter does?” declares the LORD. “Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, Israel.
Jeremiah 18: 1-6

Watch the following video:
link video potter and clay




Surrender

Stay in the centre of Gods will

Let go

Trust Him

Accept

Humble yourself

Be patient

Open up

Have faith

Be still and know that I am God

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son…

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Psalm 46:10a
James 4:10
2 Corinthians 4: 7
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Romans 8: 28-29
Philippians 4:6-7

José

The child in the picture above smoking marihuana is José. José is one of the children that live on the streets of Bolivia. Many of these children come from broken homes. When they are still very young they start to sniff glue to help them forget the hard reality they live in, and so it is with José.

Youth with a Mission started a home for girls and a home for guys to help them get of the streets and built a better life. José has come of the streets to live in the guy’s home, but soon after coming there he left again for the streets. Later he came of the streets a second time. Around that time I decided to write him a letter, but before I send the letter he had left the house a second time. He came back one more time but left again. He is now doing worse, because he has started using cocaine, although he is only 14 years old.

Sometimes I think of him and I wonder what goes on in his mind. Why does he not take the chances that are given to him to start a new life in a home where there are people that love him and want to help him built a good future. Why is it so difficult to reach his heart with God’s love for him? What hopelessness moves him to go deeper and deeper into drugs?

It makes me sad to see that so many young lives are destroyed. Instead of receiving love, care and encouragement, they are neglected and abused. They end on the street, but nobody seems to care and they are seen as the scum of society. They are left to a destructive life that leads to a young death. It seems as if they feel they are predestined to this kind of life; that they are bound to it and can never escape. When I think of the evil behind this and how these lives are destroyed it angers me. I wonder what lies have been rooted in their hearts from a very young age, lies that tell them that they are of no value, not worthy to receive love and without hope. All they can do is survive each day and sedate the pain and harsh reality of their life with drugs. Even when they are offered help and a better future, many of them cannot receive it. This also seems to be the case with José. I cannot look inside his heart, only he and only God know what keeps pulling him to go back to a life of hopelessness. Maybe this kind of life is all he knows. How can he trust anyone, when there never was anyone to trust. Maybe it has taken him a long time to freeze and sedate his heart to make it stop hurting. Maybe for him hope and love bring pain and fear, and maybe that’s why he keeps running. I don’t know, but I hope and pray God will bring him back and heal his life, before it is to late.

"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners." Isaiah 61:1

Courage to be different?

Sometimes I get the feeling that we don’t really live the full life that we read about in the Bible. It seems that we are more concerned with trying to fit in with the culture around us, making sure nobody might me be shocked or turned off by anything in our life that might be a little strange.

I recently started to read the book “Crazy Love” by Francis Chan. This book has been confronting. The following lines jumped out to me:

“Taking the words of Christ literally and seriously is rarely considered. That’s for the “radicals” who are “unbalanced” and who go “overboard”. Most of us want a balanced life that we can control, that is safe, and that does not involve suffering.”

I love to read biographies about different men throughout history that have given their lives completely in the service of God and the spreading of “the good news”. Their stories inspire and confront me. These men seemed to be consumed by just one thing, their love for Jesus and sharing the salvation and joy which they received with as many people possible. They gave up everything for this purpose and went through much suffering for it. When I read their stories I’m shocked by all the difficulties they went through. These difficulties were sometimes so many and so great that I’m amazed they didn’t loose their faith but kept on going and kept on trusting. Their lives with God were not easy and comfortable and they didn’t fit in, but many of the revivals that have started throughout the world are the fruit of their efforts a long time ago.

As Christians we are supposed to encourage each other to live a life completely devoted to God, but sometimes it seems we are discouraging each other to live this kind of life. The following passage I read yesterday stuck out to me as an example of how this can go. It is coming from a book that shares the biographies of Christians in the 18th and 19th century that have made a great impact through their life and service:

“One day he (Hudson Taylor) called on the Congregational minister and asked to borrow his copy of Medhurst’s China, explaining that God had called him to missionary service in that land. “And how do you propose to go there?” the minister inquired. Taylor replied that he did not know but in all probability he would go forth as did the Twelve and the Seventy, relying solely on the One who sent him to supply all his needs. Placing his hand on the lad’s shoulder the minister replied: “Ah, my boy, as you grow older you will become wiser than that. Such an idea would do very well in the days when Christ himself was on earth, but not now”.”
Heroes of Faith on pioneer trails by E. Myers Harrison: Hudson Taylor

If you read Hudson Taylor’s life story you can see what God did through his life and how He provided in great ways…

Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it. (Matthew 13:45,46)

Link Song "Motions" by Matthew West

Song lyrics "Motions"

This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break,
At least I'll be feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

No regrets, not this time
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

'Cause I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

take me all the way (take me all the way)
take me all the way ('cause I don't wanna go through the motions)
take me all the way (I know I'm finally feeling something real)
take me all the way

Family context

As old and static this family picture might seem, the patterns within family relationships are a constant flow of great influence that run through many generations and will continue to do so for many generations to come…

Last year in September I started to do a two year study of contextual therapy. The basis of contextual thinking is the importance of the relationships people have with each other and the giving and receiving within these relationships. The basic element to measure the health and sustainability of any relationship is the amount of trust that has been built up in this relationship. Trust is formed when the giving and receiving in a relationship is in balance. Both parties know that the other person is aware of their needs and is caring and responsible in meeting those needs. When one or both parties starts doubting this, the basis of trust is disturbed and the strings that binds two people in a relationship together will start to loose their strength. Other less healthy patterns, which have been lingering under the surface, will start to take over, trying to keep the now dying relationship alive. These patterns are controlling and manipulative in their nature. This can be very subtle and the people using them might not even be aware of them. Both parties feel they have very much the right to behave the way they do, but instead of investing in each others life’s in a loving and fulfilling way, they more and more use each other to get their own needs met. This will be the source of many conflicts and problems. This can happen in any kind of relationship; family relationships, friendships, dating relationships or marriage.

Contextual thinking places much emphasis on the family relationships with it’s history as being the context in which people learn how to relate to each other. The basic philosophy is that our family should be a place of care, a place where we are encouraged to give of ourselves in a way that fits with who we are, and a place where we receive care, love, stability, attention, guidance, safety, encouragement, etc. If this is not the case then the child does not receive what it is entitled to and this will have destructive consequences in the long run. All our future relationships are influenced by the patterns we learned when we grew up. Contextual thinking therefore sees our family relationships as the key place to bring forth change and healing in our lives. Contextual thinking sees family relationships as bonds that cannot be broken; even when you try very hard to cut the strings, still your life will be influenced by your constant conscious or unconscious striving and efforts to do so and the bitterness and anger that comes from this.

Contextual thinking looks at the destructive patterns in relationships with hope, because it says that no matter how unhealthy someone’s family history may have been (or still is), a person is able to break the patterns in their life that might have been influencing them and their family for many generations. A person is able to change the way they relate to people and create a different future for themselves, their relationships and their children. At the same time through the changes they go though they can be an influence of healing and change in the family context they come from. All of this might be a difficult and painful process, but in the long run it will be of great value.

This was an attempt to summarize a little bit of what contextual therapy is about, although there is much much more to say… In the future I might write more posts on my blog to process my thoughts in learning and studying about contextual therapy and to give an oversight of all the important factors that are involved in bringing about changes within relationships.

Identity, son or slave?

With church we are going through the book of Galatians. Last Sunday the chapter we went through was about being redeemed by Jesus to become God’s son (or daughter) instead of being a slave. We came to the conclusion that being God’s son is not so much about doing, but more about being.
Being has to do with identity and identity is formed out of the way we view ourselves. Believing that God loves you and cares for you and that you are of value to him will change the way you view yourself. Of course our Christian theology tells us that we are God’s sons and daughters, but do we really believe this from the heart?
The followinghandout has helped me to see how much of an influence what we believe about God’s heart for us can have on the way we live our lives:

orphan or son handout

God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those under law, that we might receive the full rights of sons. Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, Father”. So you are no longer a slave, but a son; and since you are a son, God has made you also an heir. Galatians 4: 4b-7

Song: "by your side"

living water

They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water.
Jeremiah 2:13b

I wonder if this applies to the rich world today, including the church, including me…The picture comes to mind of a person sitting in a prison cell. He fills his cell with self manufactured toys he can play with. God wants to help him to go out of his cell into the world where he can enjoy real life and where he will be free, but he is so occupied with his toys that he doesn’t even notice and when he does notice he becomes afraid that God will take away his toys and will leave him alone with nothing in an empty prison cell.

"Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare. Give ear and come to me; hear me, that your soul may live.
Isaiah 55:1-3b

… many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him. "You do not want to leave too, do you?" Jesus asked the Twelve. Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have words of eternal life
John 6: 66-68

Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."
John 4: 13,14

You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see.
Revelation 4: 17,18

I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
John 10:10b

cookies fight

We had a cookies fight in our community meeting yesterday. There were 7 people, but only 6 cookies. One of the members of our community took 4 of the 6 cookies (for privacy reasons I won’t mention her name, but she knows who she is…). Two of the guys used physical force to try to prevent her from eating the cookies, but then she put 3 cookies in her mouth all at the same time! When the cookies were still in her mouth she began to feel guilty and she took the cookies out again. She then washed them with tap water and offered them to us. Then of course it was already too late because washing half eaten cookies with water doesn’t make them more appealing.

This cookie fight isn’t a great testimony for our community since the central theme of our community is social justice, which is all about dividing resources equally and sharing with each other…

When storms come

What to hold on to and what to let go of...

Sometimes it feels as if a storm comes raging through my life, trying to mess up those things that I’m holding on to. It is then that my faith is tested…what do I really believe and can it survive the storm? Why do I follow God? Do I expect him to keep me safe from hurt? Will I still love and follow him when trouble comes and nothing makes sense?

I notice this tendency in myself to try to hold on to things that give me a sense of safety and security, things that give me the feeling that I’m in control. At the same time I notice that God lets things come into my life that start to shake everything I rely on. This becomes my battle with God, because I want him to stop doing that. I try to get his attention and tell him to make it stop, but it doesn’t stop… It is in those times that I start doubting his love and care for me.

It is in the storm that the dreams I have, start to fall apart. They are like broken glass on the floor. I kneel down and try to gather all the broken pieces and put them together again, as if I can fix it, but I can’t. They are broken and I can not mend them. How could God let this happen, isn’t He supposed to be a father who loves me, why doesn’t He help me?

Then I hear his voice: “Do you trust me?”

Do I trust him? Do I trust in his love for me? Do I trust that He is God, that He holds everything in his hands and that He knows what He’s doing? Do I trust that He can use everything in my life to bring out good… that He can weave together the broken pieces of my life and make something beautiful out of it? Do I trust that He cares? When evil is raging violently, when the ground is shaking and when all seems dark… will I trust him?

Do I want to hold on to dreams that will eventually crumble and die in my hands or do I dare to give them to God?

Then, when I finally let go, I can feel this deadly power that was trying to get a grip on me loose it’s strength. I can breathe again and God’s peace fills my heart.

"God, I will trust you."

“It is in His loving kindness that gradually shakes everything we’ve depended on for love, acceptance and security in this life, so that He alone remains our Anchor. That the things that cannot be shaken remain.” Author unknown

Song: "Surrender"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_tI2NxpGWM&feature=fvsr

A love strong enough to hold me without cracking

I see the image of an angry child punching his/her father into the stomach with small fists. The father is standing still and he looks down at the child with compassion, while the child keeps punching him. When the child stops the father takes the child in his arms and holds him/her.

I wish there was such a person in my life. Someone whose love I knew I would not have to earn by always trying to behave the best way I can. Someone who would stay even when I would become angry and push him or her away. Someone who is reliable and trustworthy, someone to whom I can cry out all frustration, pain, discouragement and disappointment, without him or her becoming shocked and turning away. Someone whom I could scream at without this person screaming back. I wish I would know someone who would have such a strong love, a love which is strong enough to hold me without cracking. Someone who would be able to see through all of the anger and see the pain which is behind it, someone who would care. Someone who can help me believe that real love does exist and that it is not an empty balloon which will pop.

Something tells me that God loves in this way, but why is it so difficult to believe this. I want to cry out to God because I don’t understand why the evil in the world seems to be stronger then the goodness; why people who once wanted to follow God fall away; why it seems that no matter how much energy and prayer you put into something it can still come to nothing; why God sometimes leads through endless desserts; why following him can sometimes seem like a strive against all these forces which constantly try to pull you in the opposite direction; why it seems that after holding on for such a long time, letting go for just a little while can bring you back all the way to where you started, like the current pulling you back when you take time to breath; why we as humans are so stubborn and why it is so difficult for us to change; why do lies sometimes seem so real, while the truth stays hidden even after searching for it for a long time; why does following God sometimes feel like being lost in a labyrinth never knowing which turn to take, or what lies behind the next corner; why can God sometimes feel so close and then all of a sudden so far away; why, why, why….

God, will you still love me when I’m angry and don’t understand? Will your love stay with me even when I walk away? And when I’m tired of being angry and am letting go, will your arms be there to catch me or will you let me fall?

Quiet voice

Lord, teach me to listen. The times are
noisy and my ears are weary with the
thousand raucous sounds which
continuously assault them.


Give me the spirit of the boy Samuel
when he said to Thee, "Speak,
for Thy servant heareth." Let me hear Thee
speaking in my heart. Let me get used to the
sound of Thy voice, that its tones may be
familiar when the sounds of earth die away
and the only sound will be the music of Thy
speaking. Amen.


- A. W. Tozer