cookies fight

We had a cookies fight in our community meeting yesterday. There were 7 people, but only 6 cookies. One of the members of our community took 4 of the 6 cookies (for privacy reasons I won’t mention her name, but she knows who she is…). Two of the guys used physical force to try to prevent her from eating the cookies, but then she put 3 cookies in her mouth all at the same time! When the cookies were still in her mouth she began to feel guilty and she took the cookies out again. She then washed them with tap water and offered them to us. Then of course it was already too late because washing half eaten cookies with water doesn’t make them more appealing.

This cookie fight isn’t a great testimony for our community since the central theme of our community is social justice, which is all about dividing resources equally and sharing with each other…

When storms come

What to hold on to and what to let go of...

Sometimes it feels as if a storm comes raging through my life, trying to mess up those things that I’m holding on to. It is then that my faith is tested…what do I really believe and can it survive the storm? Why do I follow God? Do I expect him to keep me safe from hurt? Will I still love and follow him when trouble comes and nothing makes sense?

I notice this tendency in myself to try to hold on to things that give me a sense of safety and security, things that give me the feeling that I’m in control. At the same time I notice that God lets things come into my life that start to shake everything I rely on. This becomes my battle with God, because I want him to stop doing that. I try to get his attention and tell him to make it stop, but it doesn’t stop… It is in those times that I start doubting his love and care for me.

It is in the storm that the dreams I have, start to fall apart. They are like broken glass on the floor. I kneel down and try to gather all the broken pieces and put them together again, as if I can fix it, but I can’t. They are broken and I can not mend them. How could God let this happen, isn’t He supposed to be a father who loves me, why doesn’t He help me?

Then I hear his voice: “Do you trust me?”

Do I trust him? Do I trust in his love for me? Do I trust that He is God, that He holds everything in his hands and that He knows what He’s doing? Do I trust that He can use everything in my life to bring out good… that He can weave together the broken pieces of my life and make something beautiful out of it? Do I trust that He cares? When evil is raging violently, when the ground is shaking and when all seems dark… will I trust him?

Do I want to hold on to dreams that will eventually crumble and die in my hands or do I dare to give them to God?

Then, when I finally let go, I can feel this deadly power that was trying to get a grip on me loose it’s strength. I can breathe again and God’s peace fills my heart.

"God, I will trust you."

“It is in His loving kindness that gradually shakes everything we’ve depended on for love, acceptance and security in this life, so that He alone remains our Anchor. That the things that cannot be shaken remain.” Author unknown

Song: "Surrender"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_tI2NxpGWM&feature=fvsr

A love strong enough to hold me without cracking

I see the image of an angry child punching his/her father into the stomach with small fists. The father is standing still and he looks down at the child with compassion, while the child keeps punching him. When the child stops the father takes the child in his arms and holds him/her.

I wish there was such a person in my life. Someone whose love I knew I would not have to earn by always trying to behave the best way I can. Someone who would stay even when I would become angry and push him or her away. Someone who is reliable and trustworthy, someone to whom I can cry out all frustration, pain, discouragement and disappointment, without him or her becoming shocked and turning away. Someone whom I could scream at without this person screaming back. I wish I would know someone who would have such a strong love, a love which is strong enough to hold me without cracking. Someone who would be able to see through all of the anger and see the pain which is behind it, someone who would care. Someone who can help me believe that real love does exist and that it is not an empty balloon which will pop.

Something tells me that God loves in this way, but why is it so difficult to believe this. I want to cry out to God because I don’t understand why the evil in the world seems to be stronger then the goodness; why people who once wanted to follow God fall away; why it seems that no matter how much energy and prayer you put into something it can still come to nothing; why God sometimes leads through endless desserts; why following him can sometimes seem like a strive against all these forces which constantly try to pull you in the opposite direction; why it seems that after holding on for such a long time, letting go for just a little while can bring you back all the way to where you started, like the current pulling you back when you take time to breath; why we as humans are so stubborn and why it is so difficult for us to change; why do lies sometimes seem so real, while the truth stays hidden even after searching for it for a long time; why does following God sometimes feel like being lost in a labyrinth never knowing which turn to take, or what lies behind the next corner; why can God sometimes feel so close and then all of a sudden so far away; why, why, why….

God, will you still love me when I’m angry and don’t understand? Will your love stay with me even when I walk away? And when I’m tired of being angry and am letting go, will your arms be there to catch me or will you let me fall?

Quiet voice

Lord, teach me to listen. The times are
noisy and my ears are weary with the
thousand raucous sounds which
continuously assault them.


Give me the spirit of the boy Samuel
when he said to Thee, "Speak,
for Thy servant heareth." Let me hear Thee
speaking in my heart. Let me get used to the
sound of Thy voice, that its tones may be
familiar when the sounds of earth die away
and the only sound will be the music of Thy
speaking. Amen.


- A. W. Tozer

Rejected

While studying the Bible I've been noticing more and more how many times Jesus is being rejected. In the beginning there were lots of people following Jesus because of his miracles and because they thought he would free them from the Romans, but the more they got to know him and the more they learned of his message the more people got disappointed. It seemed that towards the end of his life there were only a few people following him and most of them deserted him and fled when he was facing his darkest hour.


The more you love the deeper it hurts when you are rejected and the purer your intentions are the more challenging it is when you are wrongly accused. Keeping this in mind while reading through the verses below, makes it heartbreaking for me to see what Jesus went through when He offered up everything to come to the earth and give his life for us to be free.

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"For this reason the Jews tried all the harder to kill him; not only was he breaking the Sabbath, but he was even calling God his own Father, making himself equal with God. (John 5: 18,19)


For even his own brothers did not believe in him. (John 7:5)


Others replied, "No, he deceives the people." (John 7:12)


The Jews answered him, "Aren't we right in saying that you are a Samaritan and demon-possessed?" (John 8:48)


At this, they picked up stones to stone him (John 8:59a)


"We know this man is a sinner." (John 9:24b)


Many of them said, "He is demon-possessed and raving mad. Why listen to him?" (John 10:19)


So from that day on they plotted to take his life. (John 11:53)


Even after Jesus had done all these miraculous signs in their presence, they still would not believe in him. (John 12:37)


Then all the disciples deserted him and fled. (Matthew 26:56b)


When Jesus said this, one of the officials nearby struck him in the face. (John 18:22)


"If he were not a criminal," they replied, "we would not have handed him over to you." (John 18: 30)


Then the whole assembly rose and led him off to Pilate. And they began to accuse him, saying, "We have found this man subverting our nation. (Luke 23:1,2)


But it is your custom for me to release to you one prisoner at the time of the Passover. Do you want me to release 'the king of the Jews'?" They shouted back, "No, not him! Give us Barabbas!" (John 18: 38-40)


Then Pilate took Jesus and had him flogged. The soldiers twisted together a crown of thorns and put it on his head. They clothed him in a purple robe and went up to him again and again, saying, "Hail, king of the Jews!" And they struck him in the face. (John 19:1-3)


As soon as the chief priests and their officials saw him, they shouted, "Crucify! Crucify!" (John 19:6)


But they shouted, "Take him away! Take him away! Crucify him!" (John 19:14)

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I have come in my Father's name, and you do not accept me… John 5:43


From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him. "You do not want to leave too, do you?" Jesus asked the Twelve. John 6: 66-67


Why are you trying to kill me? (John 7:19b)


…why are you angry with me for healing the whole man on the Sabbath? (John 7:23b)


As it is, you are determined to kill me, a man who has told you the truth that I heard from God. (John 8:40)


If I am telling the truth, why don't you believe me? (John 8:46b)


"I am not possessed by a demon," said Jesus (John 8:49)


"I have shown you many great miracles from the Father. For which of these do you stone me?" (John 10: 32)


After he had said this, Jesus was troubled in spirit and testified, "I tell you the truth, one of you is going to betray me." (John 13:21)


…they have hated both me and my Father. But this is to fulfill what is written in their Law: 'They hated me without reason.' (John 15:24b,25)


Then he said to them, "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me." Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. "Could you men not keep watch with me for one hour?" he asked Peter…. (Matthew 26:38-40a,42a,43a)


…but Jesus asked him, "Judas, are you betraying the Son of Man with a kiss?" (Luke 22:48)


"If I said something wrong," Jesus replied, "testify as to what is wrong. But if I spoke the truth, why did you strike me?" (John 18:23)


Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." (Luke 23:34a)

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He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. (Isaiah 53: 3)


All who see me mock me; they hurl insults, shaking their heads. (Psalm 22:7)


He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. (John 1: 10,11)

When you feel you really messed up...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TpV8_KN9lE&feature=related

Song: "Forgive me"

I love this song. It is simple but beautiful.
(ps: some of the lyrics in this video are not correct, so I put the right lyrics on the bottom of this post)

Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. (Psalm 51:1,2)

The sacrifices of God are [c] a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. (Psalm 51:17)

… the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. (Isaiah 30:18)

"I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more. (Isaiah 43:25)

"Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool. (Isaiah 1:18)

I have swept away your offenses like a cloud, your sins like the morning mist. Return to me, for I have redeemed you." (Isaiah 44:22)

Songlyrics "Forgive me"

For all the times I’ve failed You, Lord
Forgive me
For all the ways I’ve fallen short
Lord, forgive me now
God, I’m so in need of grace
I fall upon my face
Forgive me
You see the tears fall down my face
Forgive me
Take my fear, Lord, take my shame
Lord, forgive me now
Purify me, make me new
Like only You can do
Forgive me now
Lord, we come to honor You
We are forgiven
We bring our love and thanks to You
We are forgiven now
God we praise You for Your grace
Before You we are raised
Forgiven
God we praise You for Your grace
Before You we are raised
Forgiven
Forgiven

From Amsterdam with love

Isn't it supposed to be summer in August?

Biking through the city on a rainy day can be depressing, but if you start looking around it can also become very amusing. You see people passing by soaking wet, tanden op elkaar en blik op oneindig, guys wearing their work clothes and raincoats with shorts (I even saw a businessman wearing slippers under his fancy clothes), people struggling to keep their umbrella from being blown away, some very unhappy faces, but also some smiles.


This week my rain pants let me down. It was a very heavy day of rain and I already noticed that the water was coming through my rain  pants 5 minutes after I started biking, but then I still had 35 more minutes to go. While biking I was trying to decide if I would leave my bike somewhere and take a tram, or if I would just continue. I choose the last and at the time a reached my work my pants, shoes and socks were completely wet. I was lucky I could borrow socks from one of the lady’s at the shelter were I work, pantoffels/slippers from my boss, and a linen paints from a friend who lives close to my work. I looked a little funny at my work though because the pantoffels were deep red with white spots, but I was happy I was dry again.

Adam, where are you?

A while ago I was at my parents place and I had a conversation with my mother about “quiet time”. We talked about how quiet time is not just a discipline you need to do in order to learn and grow, but that it is enjoying spending time with somebody you love. The God who made the universe loves us and wants to spend time with us. If we don’t spend time with him He will miss us.


There are many things that try to get our attention and sometimes we are not even aware of God’s presence. I noticed that God doesn’t push for our attention; He is just a quiet voice which we can ignore if we want too. We can stand with our back towards him, not even noticing him. It must make him sad that we sometimes struggle even to have just a little bit of time to speak with him or listen to him. After talking about this my mother showed me a song on you tube which she had recently seen. The song is called “Adam, where are you”. It is an old simple song with drawings in the background, but still it really spoke to me, especially the emotion in this one sentence “Adam where are you” stood out to me. All the next day I kept hearing this line in my head: “Adam, where are you”, “Adam, where are you”.

The next evening before I went to bed I opened a book that was lying next to my bed, and this is how the chapter I opened started: “After Adam and Eve had sinned, they heard God walking in the garden in the cool of the day. They hid from Him because of their fear and shame. Try to sense the heart of a loving Father when He asked that wonderful love question, “Where are you?” (Gen 3:9). God knew that something had happened to the love relationship. When your relationship is as it ought to be, you will always be in fellowship with the Father. You will be there in His presence expecting and anticipating the relationship of love. When Adam and Eve were not there, something had gone wrong….I hear many persons say, “I really struggle trying to have that time alone with God. “If that is a problem you face, let me suggest something to you. Make the priority in your life to come to love Him with all your heart. That will solve most of your problem with your quiet time. Your quiet time is because you know Him and, therefore, love Him, not only in order to learn about Him…Suppose you were dating a person you loved and intended to marry. What is the primary reason you date (spend time with) that person? Is it because you want to find out about his likes and dislikes or family background? Is it because you want to find out about her knowledge and education? Or is it because you love him and enjoy being with him? (Experiencing God, Henry T Blackaby)

So, maybe God is trying to tell me something...

Song “Adam where are you”:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZM1mmcis-s

Walking on water or staying in the boat?

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"
Matthew 14:30,31

When God invites you to join Him in His work, He presents a God-sized assignment for you to accomplish. You will realize that you cannot accomplish it on your own. If God doesn’t help you, you will fail. This is the crisis point where many decide not to follow what they sense God is leading them to do … The crisis of belief is a turning point or a fork in the road that demands that you make a decision. You must decide what you believe about God. How you respond when you reach this turning point will determine whether you go on to be involved with God in something God-sized that only He can do or whether you will continue to go your own way … This not a one time experience. It is a daily experience. How you live your life is a testimony of what you believe about God. (Henry T. Blackaby, Experiencing God)

"There are risks and costs to action. But they are far less than the long range risks of comfortable inaction."
-John F. Kennedy-

Strange fears

I have these strange fears, one fear for example is a fear of dogs. This fear has been put to a test recently, because the closest place where I can go running in the morning is also the place where people can take their dogs for a walk without a line. So while I’m running I keep having to pass these dogs and every time I see a dog I get this feeling that maybe this dog will come run towards me and bite me. Today I passed two people who had three dogs walking with them and one of these dogs was very big. I almost couldn’t pass them because together they took all the space in the path. I looked at the big dog and then I saw he had a little toy with him. The toy he was carrying along was a small fat baby pig. This funny sight made me realize that maybe this dog didn’t have any intention of attacking me. Along the way I met another dog. From a distance I could hear him barking very loud, but when I came closer I saw it was just a small dog together with an old man who smiled very friendly at me. Maybe again I was wrong in being afraid. The next dog I met was very angry, because his boss had just thrown away a piece of old bread that he had been playing with. He barked loudly, jumped around angry and then came running my direction... I was afraid that maybe this dog would take out his anger on me, but luckily he just ran past me and he didn’t even look at me…Reflecting on this, I come to the conclusion that maybe these dogs aren’t really that interested in me and that probably they have no intention of biting me, and that maybe I shouldn’t take my fear all that seriously, but still my morning running remains a challenge…:-)

More on the topic of fear soon…

Lost sheep

Jesus told them this parable: "Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home.
Luke 15:3-6a

I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.
John 10:11

Alexandro

This little boy has stolen my heart. His name is Alexandro and we visited him and his mother during an outreach with Gypsy Children in Greece. His mother lives next to the small church belonging to the Gypsy community and he is one of her three children. I learned that he is often sick, but that his parents have no money to give him antibiotics. The days before I met him, he had just been very sick, but he was now recovering. His father is an alcoholic and this creates different problems. We took the time to pray for them in their little house. Our group leader told me that his mother mostly leaves him tied up in his stroller, because having around three children is too much for her. Alex therefore hardly gets the chance to just crawl around and play a little.
 What struck me in this little child was the joy I could see in his eyes. When I would bend over to look at him, talk to him or to touch him, he would become very happy. He would even throw around his arms in the air moving them back in forward in happiness when we would give him some attention. Despite his circumstances there was still so much trust and happiness in this child. It makes me sad to know what his future will be, knowing that they have no money for his medical care and knowing that his father is an alcoholic. I hope Alex’s joyful spirit will not be broken by his circumstances. I’m happy his house is next to the church and I hope there will be people around to love him and to tell him about God’s love for him. I pray that God will have a hold on his young life and that He will protect him and take care of him.

Building on truth? (3)

Like the blind we grope along the wall, feeling our way like men without eyes. (Isaiah 59:19)


“What do you want me to do for you?” Jesus asked him. The blind man said, “Rabbi, I want to see.” “Go” said Jesus, “your faith has healed you” Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road. (Mark 10: 52)

Building on truth? (2)

If you shoot a ball at a slightly different angle over time this will change it’s course in a tremendous way.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:23,24)

Building on truth? (1)

What we believe about ourselves, others, the world and God is the fundament on which we build our life story.


Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell down with a great crash. (Matthew 7:24-27)